Why Surrender?
“Never give up, never surrender!” – Commander Peter Quincy Taggart – Galaxy Quest.
In U.S. culture, we hear so much about never surrendering. This concept is rooted in our military propaganda, our media and our entertainment; compelling us to push forward at any cost. We think of surrender as the ultimate betrayal of self, family, and country.
I would like to issue a different use of the word and a different perspective on what it means to surrender. From an energetic perspective, to surrender is to release resistance. It means to let go, to quit fighting against something that will not or cannot change, to put us in the flow of how we move on from where we are right now and access radical acceptance.
When we let go of (surrender) resistance, we access energy that is no longer stuck, solid and unmovable. We release the myopic view we have limited ourselves to and open to the expansive view of possibility. There is a freeing aspect to release, an ease that comes to us that allows us to take different steps into our future.
Let me give you an example of what I mean from my own life. I was a senior in high school with a group of friends that I thought were exactly what I wanted around me. They were edgy, a little counterculture, were good looking and they wanted me around. I felt needed and approved of. I felt that I had love and joy to offer these friends. When I look back at it now, there was a lot of my hubris as a possible savior that kept me connected to these individuals, but nonetheless, I was all in. As time moved on, they began doing things that made me uncomfortable, that were counterintuitive for me, and made me nervous, but these were my best friends. I didn’t have anyone else. What would I do without these people in my life? I would be alone and pathetic. I fought every day to keep these relationships going. I honestly don’t know if these people even really liked me. I was fighting so hard to be in their lives, and to be accepted that I think I was doing more damage to the relationships than I was saving anything. I felt toxic and sick most of the time but had no idea how to get out of the situation. I was 18, in my senior year of high school and I was facing what felt like a death. What was I going to do? Leave all my friends? Be alone and miserable?
Well, yes. I surrendered to what I knew was right in my heart; I had to leave these relationships and start all over again. I said goodbye to my friends, took the hits, opened my perspective, and started truly following my heart. This surrender was one of the most painful stages of my life. BUT... it also was the most freeing stage of my life. I did something so hard, painful, and terrifying that I didn’t know if I was strong enough to do it. I was. I let go and got into my flow, I started following my heart, trusting my intuition, and reshaping my life for the better.
In my practice, I talk a lot about the Map of Consciousness that I learned about from Dr. David Hawkins. I learned looking back to that time in my life, the fear was so strong that it became destructive to me and all those around me. I think those friends I was so worried about losing were actually happy for me to leave the group because I was kidding no one in my distaste for what was happening. I was stuck in a low frequency of energy that kept me weak and controllable instead of strong and useful or powerful.
By letting go of the toxic situation, by surrendering to the true me, everything in my life changed. Yes I lost all those friends, but I made new friends that enhanced my life instead of draining me. I could breathe more freely, my grades got better, I got into college, and worked my way to living my best life. Letting go of the resistance of fear and shame, which took me a long time to heal and work through, allowed me to see my life in a different, freeing state. I could now decide what I wanted for my life, not consumed with proving myself to others.
My surrender allowed me to decide what was in alignment with my highest good and I could plan how to make that happen. I created a different road map for my life that included love, compassion, and tolerance. I was now moving! I started to feel what it was like to be in flow. The choice I made to surrender to my truth focused my journey that brought me to the work I do today.
I like to use the analogy of being on the river. We can be so scared of having a full view of our surroundings that we never leave the shallow areas. We get ourselves caught up on downed trees and get scrapes from the branches, get our boat stuck in the shallows so we don’t get anywhere, because it gives us a false sense of security. Do we stay stuck? Or, can we use all our tools of safety and get ourselves in center of the river, where we can see the whole beautiful picture of our surroundings and let the current guide us to our destination without all the pain and suffering? We are not giving up on the destination, but one journey may be more fulfilling than the other. What are you resisting that may just need a little surrendering to get your journey more favorable?
If this idea of radical acceptance and surrendering feels good to you, know that you are not alone. Kari Rae and I are putting together a quarterly workshop called Surrender Circle – Let Go & Find Your Flow, so we can come together for support and compassion while doing something hard. You are welcome on this journey - join us!
